Union Square Trader Joe's Cited for Human Rights Violations

Amnesty International has publicly decried the Union Square location of Trader Joe’s for what it calls “a blatant denial of basic human freedoms.” Amnesty produced a 14-page report detailing a laundry list of human rights violations ranging from inadequately stocked free sample stations to overly laid back employees.                   

The crimes against humanity start from the moment you walk in the door. One Amnesty representative who investigated the store described it as “a nightmare” trying to get a shopping cart without a wobbly wheel on Sunday or anytime after work.                           

Perhaps the most disturbing part of the report details hoards of bodies snaked through the aisles waiting to pay. Some distraught customers even got in line as soon as they entered the store and did their shopping while waiting. One patron who wishes to remain anonymous said she and her fellow shoppers were treated like "a bunch of well-dressed cattle."  

The madness doesn’t end after checkout. Beverley Goldstein, a longtime resident of Stuy Town, recounted a harrowing story of having to walk outside to a separate storefront on an unseasonably cold fall day in order to purchase wine. Goldstein is reasonably confident she would’ve caught an earlier L train that day if they could just stop hiding the booze.

President Obama has yet to comment on the report, but has requested the complete offering of trail mixes and dried fruits be shipped to the White House for inspection.