Week 96: Surprises & Shaolin

Sunday, March 4, 2018
Location: Jimmy Steiny's Pub (Staten Island)
Event: The 6th Annual HynoTronic Oscar Party
Food: Hero, pickle, pasta salad

I may be heading to Staten Island a lot more if all their bars happen to be serving free food when I walk in. Even though I had just eaten a large Italian dinner, I couldn't ignore the siren song of the free food. It may be the forgotten borough but right now it's number one in my artery clogged heart.

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Week 95: Talks & Awks

Wednesday, February 21, 2018
Location: WeWork (Midtown)
Event: Inclusion and Entrepreneurship Panel
Food: Quesadilla and latke

This definitely qualifies as top three of the most awkward events I've attended. Only like 10 people showed up so they decided to change the panel to a campfire circle situation. Let's just say I refused to stay at summer camp when I was 5 and my feelings haven't changed.

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4 meals in February // $20 donated to Food Bank For New York City

Week 94: Gals & Goods

Tuesday, February 13, 2018
Location: Madewell (SoHo)
Event: Gal Pal Val(entine's) Day
Food: Cookie

Among the multitude things we can thank Leslie Knope for is Galentine's Day. Madewell jumped at the chance to commercialize it as a shopping event, but I ain't even mad. I got a free heart shaped cookie and browsed some mostly non offensive clothing.

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Week 93: Controls & Cameras

Wednesday, February 7, 2018
Location: WeWork (Midtown)
Event: AWS and HashiCorp present: Hardware Security
Food: Pizza and salad

I couldn't possibly explain to you how difficult it was to pretend to be interested in the content of this event. I will say they had an abundance of good pizza and even a side salad so the presentation didn't really matter. My main takeaway was that Amazon controls the world in more ways than I'll ever understand.

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Saturday, February 10, 2018
Location: AbelCine (Industry City)
Event: AbelCine Brooklyn Open House
Food: Sandwich, salad, cookie

AbelCine is a camera store that is the coolest because they always have a lot of food and never bother me. They opened a new location in Industry City complete with a theater and lots of camera stuff. People usually think my pictures look like I accidentally took them, but thankfully no one called me out on being an imposter.

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Week 92: VCs and Disparities

Wednesday, January 31, 2018
Location: SAP (Hudson Yards)
Event: SAP.iO Women in Tech Series: In Conversation with Women in VC
Food: Snacks

You know when someone mentions they just got back from Davos and you immediately stop listening? Cue the moderator for this panel. The other presenters were actually very good despite not being blessed with a Y chromosome. I also learned that women won't reach pay parity with men for over 100 years so my gloomy outlook on life seems justified.

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6 meals in January // $30 donated to Food Bank For New York City

Week 91: Gaps & Apps

Wednesday, January 24, 2018
Location: Meetup HQ (SoHo)
Event: Mobile Growth New York
Food: Pizza

I can't pinpoint exactly why but I think Barstool Sports may be responsible for the wage gap. I think it comes from the same sixth sense that tells me which frat boys I shouldn't let anywhere near my drink. Anyways Barstool Sports, MLB, and Draft app were in attendance to discuss mobile growth strategies. Nothing memorable happened.

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Week 90: Rainbows & Snores

Tuesday, January 16, 2018
Location: WeWork (FiDi)
Event: Tech Startups in a Crypto/Blockchain World
Food: Rainbow bagels

Since I've accepted kale into my life I've tried to avoid foods like rainbow bagels. The fake coloring in them is roughly on par with a real housewives cast, though both are highly instagrammable so I guess I can forgive the total lack of substance.

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Wednesday, January 17, 2018
Location: Thoughtworks (Flatiron)
Event: Chatbots: Creating Fluent Natural Language Bots
Food: Pizza

I have a pretty high tolerance for boring tech talks, but these speakers really tested the limits of that generosity. I've fallen asleep at a Stevie Wonder concert before so it was a Herculean task for me to stay awake at this thing. At least the host has a chronic issue of not having enough paper plates, allowing me to indulge my true slob self.

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Week 89: Prospects & Promises

Thursday, January 11, 2018
Location: Children of Promise NYC (Bed-Stuy)
Event: Volunteer Orientation
Food: Cookies

Seeing a video about children with incarcerated parents nearly melted my heart of coal. Children of Promise provides after school programs and mentoring in Bed-Stuy for these kids. Smart organization, honorable mission, great cookies.

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Saturday, January 13, 2018
Location: Rise (Flatiron)
Event: Rare Digital Art Festival
Food: Bagel

I honestly left this event thinking I needed to invest a bunch of money in CryptoPunks and CryptoKitties. Thankfully I came down from the propaganda high before I liquidated my 401K. But there's apparently a lot of people that will spend real money to buy a digital picture that everyone can see but only one person can "own". My grip on reality is slipping.

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Week 88: Pizza & PBR

Tuesday, November 28, 2017
Location: Burton Snowboards (SoHo)
Event: Dollar Pizza Slice NYC Holiday Shopping Night
Food: Pizza

If I had to imagine a snowboarder's diet it would probably be dollar pizza and PBR. That was exactly what Burton Snowboard store was serving up for their holiday shopping event. All the people there seemed very nice and coordinated, two qualities I do not possess, but appreciate in others.

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1 meal in December // $5 donated to Food Bank For New York City

Week 87: Assets & Alcohol

Tuesday, November 28, 2017
Location: WeWork (Chelsea)
Event: Data-Driven: Marketing & The Holidays
Food: Cookies, cheese, and fruit

This event was all about using data for holiday marketing. While listening to a panel of marketers sounds like roughly the least enjoyable thing ever, they were mostly tolerable except for one guy that repeatedly referred to one of his colleagues as "The Asset". Thankfully, the booze was free flowing which is about the only way you can have a good time at a WeWork.

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3 meals in November // $15 donated to Food Bank For New York City

Week 86: Boys & Poors

Saturday, November 25, 2017
Location: The Wing (SoHo)
Event: The Wing & American Express Present the First-Ever Ma & Pop-Up
Food: Hot chocolate

Visiting The Wing makes you wonder whether in 2017 it's more embarrassing to be best friends with Lena Dunham or Terry Richardson's ex. It usually costs something like $3,000 a year just to get in the front door of this female only club, but both boys and poors were allowed entrance for their holiday shopping event. Yes, the phone booths were cute, but not three thousand dollar cute.

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Week 85: Love Stories & Lip Balms

Saturday, November 11, 2017
Location: Zola RV (Flatiron)
Event: The Love Stories Tour
Food: Cupcake

The wedding registry site Zola decided to rent an RV to drive around collecting love stories. Given my heart of coal this was completely uninteresting and I went straight for the undersized cupcakes that are apparently still trendy. They also gave out those spherical lip balms that are impossible to put in your pocket.

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Week 84: Olives & Outrage

Wednesday, October 25, 2017
Location: Cardozo School of Law (Greenwich Village)
Event: A Year of Trump: Muslim Bans, DACA and the Resistance
Food: Olive pizza

A law student is probably one of the least believable people I've posed as. NYU Law School hosted an event about the impact of Trump's policies on Muslims and immigration. Suffice to say they didn't have anything nice to say. And the olive pizza was almost as unpopular as Trump himself.

4 meals in October // $20 donated to Food Bank For New York City

Week 83: Giveaways & Regrets

Wednesday, October 11, 2017
Location: Thoughtworks (Flatiron)
Event: Blockchain and Artificial Intelligence
Food: Pizza

When you're at an event where a guy is giving out tech conference passes like he's Oprah you start to realize you might not be as cool as you thought you were. This latest blockchain event drew a huge crowd that used all the paper plates before I got there. So I ate pizza off my hand and lamented not buying bitcoin three years ago.

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Week 82: Cheese Fries & Fried Dough

Tuesday, October 3, 2017
Location: August Wilson Theatre (Midtown)
Event: Mean Girls Day
Food: Cheese Fries

On October 3rd, he asked me what day it was. If you don't recognize this quote you might be on my enemies list. This October 3rd, there were free cheese fries, I saw Tina Fey, and I spent a lot of money to buy Mean Girls on Broadway tickets. The day just continues to grow in importance in my heart.

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Thursday, October 5, 2017
Location: Google Home Mini Donut Shop (SoHo)
Event: Google Home Mini Launch
Food: Donuts

Google introduced their latest voice activated speaker by setting up a donut shop. They invited all of us who waited for a long time outside to speak a command and a mystery box would slide down from the ether. I'm pretty sure I was the only one that was hoping a donut would slide down and not a Google Home Mini. Electronics are not that tasty from my experience.

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Week 81: Creatives & Clapbacks

Thursday, September 21, 2017
Location: Microsoft (Times Square)
Event: Playcrafting: Demo & Play
Food: Pizza

So there's this whole world of cool people that make their own games and come together to test each other's work. Everything from a game about a mama hawk feeding her birds to a clapback version of apples to apples were presented this night. There was a huge crowd and Microsoft bought the pizza so everyone won.

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5 meals in September // $25 donated to Food Bank For New York City // $5 to Houston Food Bank

Week 80: Buns & Bets

Monday, September 18, 2017
Location: Hearst (Midtown)
Event: Experience Macao Food Truck
Food: Pork Chop Bun

I have this secret belief (which I often vocalize) that I could be a billionaire if I gambled more. The Macao tourism board was also very optimistic about this and gave me some free pork chop buns for encouragement. You can find me at Resorts World Casino near JFK from now on.

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Week 79: Change & Chains

Wednesday, September 13, 2017
Location: Alley (Flatiron)
Event: Content in the Age of Blockchain
Food: Sausage Pizza

It has repeatedly come to my attention that blockchain is very important even though I only understand 9% of what it is. Apparently it's going to change all our lives and make everything trackable but private and we're supposed to not be terrified by this. They did spring for pizza with sausage so my life did get a little better that day.

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Week 78: Gig Charts & Word Art

Thursday, September 7, 2017
Location: Cornell University ILR (Midtown)
Event: Counting Workers In The Gig Economy
Food: Meat, pastries, cheese

This lecture from the Bureau of Labor Statistics was about as lively as you would guess. The presentation contained a lot of important and relevant information but also made clear that they're using the 1998 version of PowerPoint. Though honestly, seeing WordArt again is basically a warm hug.

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Week 77: Biscuits & Broads

Saturday, September 2, 2017
Location: Chick-fil-A (Midtown)
Event: Free Breakfast
Food: Chicken Biscuit

While Chick-fil-A may have done some sketchy things in the past, their decision to put fried chicken and biscuits together is a win for everyone. They're still trying to pimp out their app so they gave everyone who used it free breakfast. Pro tip: go early to avoid the heartbreak of breakfast being over.

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