Week 87: Assets & Alcohol

Tuesday, November 28, 2017
Location: WeWork (Chelsea)
Event: Data-Driven: Marketing & The Holidays
Food: Cookies, cheese, and fruit

This event was all about using data for holiday marketing. While listening to a panel of marketers sounds like roughly the least enjoyable thing ever, they were mostly tolerable except for one guy that repeatedly referred to one of his colleagues as "The Asset". Thankfully, the booze was free flowing which is about the only way you can have a good time at a WeWork.

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3 meals in November // $15 donated to Food Bank For New York City

Week 86: Boys & Poors

Saturday, November 25, 2017
Location: The Wing (SoHo)
Event: The Wing & American Express Present the First-Ever Ma & Pop-Up
Food: Hot chocolate

Visiting The Wing makes you wonder whether in 2017 it's more embarrassing to be best friends with Lena Dunham or Terry Richardson's ex. It usually costs something like $3,000 a year just to get in the front door of this female only club, but both boys and poors were allowed entrance for their holiday shopping event. Yes, the phone booths were cute, but not three thousand dollar cute.

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Week 85: Love Stories & Lip Balms

Saturday, November 11, 2017
Location: Zola RV (Flatiron)
Event: The Love Stories Tour
Food: Cupcake

The wedding registry site Zola decided to rent an RV to drive around collecting love stories. Given my heart of coal this was completely uninteresting and I went straight for the undersized cupcakes that are apparently still trendy. They also gave out those spherical lip balms that are impossible to put in your pocket.

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Week 84: Olives & Outrage

Wednesday, October 25, 2017
Location: Cardozo School of Law (Greenwich Village)
Event: A Year of Trump: Muslim Bans, DACA and the Resistance
Food: Olive pizza

A law student is probably one of the least believable people I've posed as. NYU Law School hosted an event about the impact of Trump's policies on Muslims and immigration. Suffice to say they didn't have anything nice to say. And the olive pizza was almost as unpopular as Trump himself.


4 meals in October // $20 donated to Food Bank For New York City

Week 83: Giveaways & Regrets

Wednesday, October 11, 2017
Location: Thoughtworks (Flatiron)
Event: Blockchain and Artificial Intelligence
Food: Pizza

When you're at an event where a guy is giving out tech conference passes like he's Oprah you start to realize you might not be as cool as you thought you were. This latest blockchain event drew a huge crowd that used all the paper plates before I got there. So I ate pizza off my hand and lamented not buying bitcoin three years ago.

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Week 82: Cheese Fries & Fried Dough

Tuesday, October 3, 2017
Location: August Wilson Theatre (Midtown)
Event: Mean Girls Day
Food: Cheese Fries

On October 3rd, he asked me what day it was. If you don't recognize this quote you might be on my enemies list. This October 3rd, there were free cheese fries, I saw Tina Fey, and I spent a lot of money to buy Mean Girls on Broadway tickets. The day just continues to grow in importance in my heart.

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Thursday, October 5, 2017
Location: Google Home Mini Donut Shop (SoHo)
Event: Google Home Mini Launch
Food: Donuts

Google introduced their latest voice activated speaker by setting up a donut shop. They invited all of us who waited for a long time outside to speak a command and a mystery box would slide down from the ether. I'm pretty sure I was the only one that was hoping a donut would slide down and not a Google Home Mini. Electronics are not that tasty from my experience.

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Week 81: Creatives & Clapbacks

Thursday, September 21, 2017
Location: Microsoft (Times Square)
Event: Playcrafting: Demo & Play
Food: Pizza

So there's this whole world of cool people that make their own games and come together to test each other's work. Everything from a game about a mama hawk feeding her birds to a clapback version of apples to apples were presented this night. There was a huge crowd and Microsoft bought the pizza so everyone won.

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5 meals in September // $25 donated to Food Bank For New York City // $5 to Houston Food Bank

Week 80: Buns & Bets

Monday, September 18, 2017
Location: Hearst (Midtown)
Event: Experience Macao Food Truck
Food: Pork Chop Bun

I have this secret belief (which I often vocalize) that I could be a billionaire if I gambled more. The Macao tourism board was also very optimistic about this and gave me some free pork chop buns for encouragement. You can find me at Resorts World Casino near JFK from now on.

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Week 79: Change & Chains

Wednesday, September 13, 2017
Location: Alley (Flatiron)
Event: Content in the Age of Blockchain
Food: Sausage Pizza

It has repeatedly come to my attention that blockchain is very important even though I only understand 9% of what it is. Apparently it's going to change all our lives and make everything trackable but private and we're supposed to not be terrified by this. They did spring for pizza with sausage so my life did get a little better that day.

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Week 78: Gig Charts & Word Art

Thursday, September 7, 2017
Location: Cornell University ILR (Midtown)
Event: Counting Workers In The Gig Economy
Food: Meat, pastries, cheese

This lecture from the Bureau of Labor Statistics was about as lively as you would guess. The presentation contained a lot of important and relevant information but also made clear that they're using the 1998 version of PowerPoint. Though honestly, seeing WordArt again is basically a warm hug.

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Week 77: Biscuits & Broads

Saturday, September 2, 2017
Location: Chick-fil-A (Midtown)
Event: Free Breakfast
Food: Chicken Biscuit

While Chick-fil-A may have done some sketchy things in the past, their decision to put fried chicken and biscuits together is a win for everyone. They're still trying to pimp out their app so they gave everyone who used it free breakfast. Pro tip: go early to avoid the heartbreak of breakfast being over.

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Week 76: Fights & Firsts

Monday, August 21, 2017
Location: Bryant Park (Midtown)
Event: Bryant Park Summer Film Festival
Food: Popcorn

Everyone was offended that I had never seen Dirty Dancing before. Luckily, Bryant Park was showing this classic for their last movie night of the year. There was free popcorn, a fight over grass turf, and people being spontaneously lifted into the air so I'm glad I waited 28 years for all that magic to come together for my first dirty dance.

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6 meals in August // $30 donated to Food Bank For New York City

Week 75: Petty Theft & Chicken Salad

Tuesday, August 14, 2017
Location: Au Bon Pain (Midtown)
Event: Free Birthday Sandwich
Food: Herb Chicken Salad Sandwich

Somehow I only just found out that a bunch of restaurants give you free food on your birthday. I decided to stop by Au Bon Pain to get myself some free chicken salad. I ended up accidentally stealing someone named Mike's sandwich but it saved me like two minutes of waiting so probably worth it.

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Week 74: Binges & Birthdays

Monday, August 7, 2017
Location: HiFi Bar (East Village)
Event: Lap Dance Saloon Comedy Show
Food: Pizza

Despite having just eaten a full meal I couldn't resist the opportunity to get some free pizza and comedy. It was the host of the show's birthday which he mentioned profusely, perhaps to elicit sympathy for some unfunny jokes. It also meant there were free cupcakes so no harm done.

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Week 73: Robots and IHOPs

Thursday, August 3, 2017
Location: Thoughtworks (Flatiron)
Event: Bots & AI: Teaching Machines to See & Creating Intelligent Machine
Food: Pizza

This was the latest in a series of me being antisocial at events I don't understand. They were talking about some sort of artificial intelligence and my repeated viewing of that Haley Joel Osment movie didn't give me any street cred. The good news is there was plenty of pizza because duh robots don't eat.


Friday, August 4, 2017
Location: Flatiron
Event: IHOP's New French Toasted Donuts
Food: Maple Bacon Donut

After a few failed attempts at reaping the benefits of national pancake day at IHOP, I finally got some free food from them. In their endless pursuit to recklessly combine existing foods, they came up with french toast donuts. The particular one I got was smothered in maple syrup and bacon. It was like 9am so I ate the bacon off the top and got the hell out of there.


Sunday, August 6, 2017
Location: Everlane Pop-Up (Williamsburg)
Event: The Day Market
Food: Wild Cherry Slurpee

Amidst the hipster paradise of sidewalk jewelry vendors, coffee shops, boutiques, and Rosemary's, Everlane created a pop up shop. They featured their new line of Italian leather goods and offered their guests some special treats.  Delicious Dream Pops molded into gem shaped delicacies were offered in yummy tropical flavors. With purchase you could have designed your own flower arrangement, but I decided to listen to the free DJed beats and enjoy my sweet treat. 

—Guest roach Alyson

Week 72: Jewish Treats & Sugar Drinks

Tuesday, July 11, 2017
Location: 7-Eleven (Chelsea)
Event: 7-Eleven Day
Food: Wild Cherry Slurpee

In it's annual effort to prove that the world still has some good in it, 7-Eleven gives away free Slurpees on July 11. It is also the prime example of my eagerness to eat things I don't like just because they're free. Not paying makes everything taste better so I happily drank my wild cherry sugar juice.


Wednesday, July 12, 2017
Location: Essex Street Market (LES)
Event: The New Old-Schoolers: Reviving Traditional Jewish Foods
Food: Pickles and bagel

Access to pickles and bagels is probably a key driver in my decision to stay in this city I can't afford. Essex Street Market hosted an event in honor of traditional Jewish foods which is a pretty good way to get my attention. I would've stayed for the main event, but there were no seats left and my awkwardness would hit a new peak if I had to stand by myself for an hour.


4 meals in July // $20 donated to Food Bank For New York City

Week 71: Fish & Film

Monday, July 3, 2017
Location: Bryant Park
Event: HBO Bryant Park Summer Film Fest
Food: Swedish Fish

In a surprising turn of events, I've decided Bryant Park is a very fun place to hang out. They show movies, have board games, and sometimes give out free candy. If they had air conditioning I think I could give up my apartment.

Week 70: Cheese Curds & Canada

Saturday, July 1, 2017
Location: Dream Hotel (Midtown)
Event: Canada Day Party
Food: Poutine

In a possible effort to steal the thunder from July 4, Canada went big to celebrate their 150th Canada Day on July 1. They provided poutine for everyone, which probably trumps fireworks. They also have Justin Trudeau which definitely trumps Trump.

Week 69: Personal Pizzas & Sorry Sushi

Tuesday, June 20, 2017
Location: &pizza (NoMad)
Event: Grand Opening
Food: Maverick Pizza

&pizza is great because they make it feel slightly acceptable to eat an entire pizza by yourself. They were celebrating the opening of their first NYC location with personal pizzas for everyone. The vibe was kind of like a pizza version of Chipotle, except without the communicable diseases hopefully.


Tuesday, June 20, 2017
Location: Squarespace (SoHo)
Event: Storytelling Your Talent Brand
Food: Sushi

Greenhouse is some sort of HR software that hosts events under the false assumption that HR is a broadly interesting topic. They also served the kind of sushi that doesn't actually have raw fish in it but I have no right to be picky. The panel did feature some interesting women and I got a free gel pen so I'm a believer.


9 meals in June // $45 donated to Food Bank For New York City

Week 68: Chat Rooms & Loco Foods

Tuesday, June 13, 2017
Location: Taco Bell (Union Square)
Event: Steal a Game, Steal a Taco
Food: Doritos Locos Taco

I save the gastrointestinal risk of eating at Taco Bell for when they're giving away free food. The Golden State Warriors won an away game so we were all gifted with the joy of a Doritos Locos Taco. This was the first time I had one and while it was special I think I'll stick with my normal seven layer burrito.


Wednesday, June 14, 2017
Location: Slack (Astor Place)
Event: Slack Dev Meetup
Food: Guacamole and empanada

I think Slack is basically like AOL chat rooms for your office. While you're less likely to be propositioned for sex, it's probably not as fun. They hosted a developer event at their NYC office and served empanadas, which is one of my favorite vehicles to eat meat and cheese.


Saturday, June 17, 2017
Location: Story (Chelsea)
Event: Get Fresh with Chobani
Food: Yogurt

Even though I think yogurt is one of those secret unhealthy foods I've had a lot of Chobani over the years. They were on hand to introduce some of their summer flavors at a shop in Chelsea. I never knew I needed kiwi and watermelon flavored yogurt, but I guess I do.