Week 104: Banquets & Bottles

Tuesday, May 8, 2018
Location: Playbuzz HQ (Chelsea)
Event: World Press Freedom Day
Food: Lamb, pita, veggies

This was easily the most impressive food spread I've seen at a free event. There were chafing dishes and hot food and men decorating the table with tomatoes. The actual event was something about world free press day and included a moderator that was a bit more misogynistic than is currently acceptable at this point in history. Then they gave out free S'well water bottles as if we don't already have 99 of those.

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Week 103: Dinos & Disappointments

Sunday, May 6, 2018
Location: J.Crew (Flatiron)
Event: J.Crew x Prinkshop Tee Party
Food: Macaroon and toast

I stopped by this J.Crew event because they said Prinkshop would be screen printing shirts for free and I thought I could get one that says "Selena y Los Dinos". Turns out you could only get one of their pre-selected non-Selena designs. It ended up fine because I ate some chocolate dipped macaroons and observed the post-spinning rituals of NYC women.

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Week 102: Pickles & Porn

Wednesday, April 25, 2018
Location: Warby Parker (TriBeCa)
Event: Tale of Two Cities: From NYC To UK and Back Again
Food: Charcuterie

Apparently all those kiosks around the city were very complicated to build. They're also supposed to have high speed Internet which is literally never the case when I'm around. Nonetheless, the people from LinkNYC had some interesting things to say about the process of scaling them throughout New York and other cities. And yes, the porn problem came up.

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3 meals in April // $15 donated to Food Bank For New York City

Week 101: Seltzers & Strangers

Tuesday, April 17, 2018
Location: Work-Bench (Flatiron)
Event: Retaining Women in Tech Best Practices
Food: Pizza

While they generally serve alcohol at these events to make them more tolerable, Work-Bench decided to go the La Croix route. It was a surprisingly refreshing choice, but unfortunately opened the door for a random stranger to make conversation with me. I'm now searching for a way to make myself seem deaf while maintaining the level of respect for those with disabilities I hope to convey.

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Week 100: Mentors & Milestones

Tuesday, April 10, 2018
Location: WeWork (Chelsea)
Event: Women of WeWork, Fireside Chat
Food: Veggies and cheese

Apparently to get ahead in the workplace as a woman I need to find good mentors. A former Nickelodeon executive talked about her career and how show makes mentor-seeking girls find her in Central Park on her morning walk to chat. Being able to make ridiculous demands like that is now my main motivator to climb that corporate ladder.

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Week 99: Portions & Persistence

Tuesday, March 27, 2018
Location: Essex Street Market (LES)
Event: Women in Food: Passion Fuels the Palette
Food: Snacks

It's hard to know at this point whether closing Essex Street Market is an empty threat because it just keeps existing. They still know how to attract a crowd and their portion control food servings have always been ahead of their time so hopefully they persist.

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5 meals in March // $25 donated to Food Bank For New York City

Week 98: Cheese & Plebes

Thursday, March 15, 2018
Location: WeWork (Chelsea)
Event: Stripe & WeWork | Going Global
Food: Cheese plate

WeWork just did some fancy renovations to their HQ, but they kept their visiting plebeians confined to the second floor. Thankfully the selection of cheese was a bit more bourgeoise. The topic was something about taking your company global, but I'm just out here trying to pay rent at my local apartment.

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Week 97: Extra Apps & Excess Attention

Tuesday, March 6, 2018
Location: TechHub (Midtown)
Event: #TechHubTuesday Demo Night
Food: Pizza

Since there apparently aren't enough coworking spaces in New York, TechHub just opened up a local branch. They hosted a demo night introducing the really important things we need like HQ for Uber and LinkedIn for stalkers. They unfortunately did not introduce anything that makes cheap pizza taste better.

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Thursday, March 8, 2018
Location: Leesa Dream Gallery (SoHo)
Event: Soul Socks + Leesa
Food: Fruits, nuts, and cheese

There is almost nothing that gives me more anxiety than a 3 to 1 ratio of salespeople to customers in a store. I think it was very apparent to my audience that I was only there for the cheese plate, but I indulged them by testing out some mattresses. Predictably, I did not purchase anything.

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Week 96: Surprises & Shaolin

Sunday, March 4, 2018
Location: Jimmy Steiny's Pub (Staten Island)
Event: The 6th Annual HynoTronic Oscar Party
Food: Hero, pickle, pasta salad

I may be heading to Staten Island a lot more if all their bars happen to be serving free food when I walk in. Even though I had just eaten a large Italian dinner, I couldn't ignore the siren song of the free food. It may be the forgotten borough but right now it's number one in my artery clogged heart.

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Week 95: Talks & Awks

Wednesday, February 21, 2018
Location: WeWork (Midtown)
Event: Inclusion and Entrepreneurship Panel
Food: Quesadilla and latke

This definitely qualifies as top three of the most awkward events I've attended. Only like 10 people showed up so they decided to change the panel to a campfire circle situation. Let's just say I refused to stay at summer camp when I was 5 and my feelings haven't changed.

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4 meals in February // $20 donated to Food Bank For New York City

Week 94: Gals & Goods

Tuesday, February 13, 2018
Location: Madewell (SoHo)
Event: Gal Pal Val(entine's) Day
Food: Cookie

Among the multitude things we can thank Leslie Knope for is Galentine's Day. Madewell jumped at the chance to commercialize it as a shopping event, but I ain't even mad. I got a free heart shaped cookie and browsed some mostly non offensive clothing.

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Week 93: Controls & Cameras

Wednesday, February 7, 2018
Location: WeWork (Midtown)
Event: AWS and HashiCorp present: Hardware Security
Food: Pizza and salad

I couldn't possibly explain to you how difficult it was to pretend to be interested in the content of this event. I will say they had an abundance of good pizza and even a side salad so the presentation didn't really matter. My main takeaway was that Amazon controls the world in more ways than I'll ever understand.

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Saturday, February 10, 2018
Location: AbelCine (Industry City)
Event: AbelCine Brooklyn Open House
Food: Sandwich, salad, cookie

AbelCine is a camera store that is the coolest because they always have a lot of food and never bother me. They opened a new location in Industry City complete with a theater and lots of camera stuff. People usually think my pictures look like I accidentally took them, but thankfully no one called me out on being an imposter.

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Week 92: VCs and Disparities

Wednesday, January 31, 2018
Location: SAP (Hudson Yards)
Event: SAP.iO Women in Tech Series: In Conversation with Women in VC
Food: Snacks

You know when someone mentions they just got back from Davos and you immediately stop listening? Cue the moderator for this panel. The other presenters were actually very good despite not being blessed with a Y chromosome. I also learned that women won't reach pay parity with men for over 100 years so my gloomy outlook on life seems justified.

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6 meals in January // $30 donated to Food Bank For New York City

Week 91: Gaps & Apps

Wednesday, January 24, 2018
Location: Meetup HQ (SoHo)
Event: Mobile Growth New York
Food: Pizza

I can't pinpoint exactly why but I think Barstool Sports may be responsible for the wage gap. I think it comes from the same sixth sense that tells me which frat boys I shouldn't let anywhere near my drink. Anyways Barstool Sports, MLB, and Draft app were in attendance to discuss mobile growth strategies. Nothing memorable happened.

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Week 90: Rainbows & Snores

Tuesday, January 16, 2018
Location: WeWork (FiDi)
Event: Tech Startups in a Crypto/Blockchain World
Food: Rainbow bagels

Since I've accepted kale into my life I've tried to avoid foods like rainbow bagels. The fake coloring in them is roughly on par with a real housewives cast, though both are highly instagrammable so I guess I can forgive the total lack of substance.

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Wednesday, January 17, 2018
Location: Thoughtworks (Flatiron)
Event: Chatbots: Creating Fluent Natural Language Bots
Food: Pizza

I have a pretty high tolerance for boring tech talks, but these speakers really tested the limits of that generosity. I've fallen asleep at a Stevie Wonder concert before so it was a Herculean task for me to stay awake at this thing. At least the host has a chronic issue of not having enough paper plates, allowing me to indulge my true slob self.

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Week 89: Prospects & Promises

Thursday, January 11, 2018
Location: Children of Promise NYC (Bed-Stuy)
Event: Volunteer Orientation
Food: Cookies

Seeing a video about children with incarcerated parents nearly melted my heart of coal. Children of Promise provides after school programs and mentoring in Bed-Stuy for these kids. Smart organization, honorable mission, great cookies.

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Saturday, January 13, 2018
Location: Rise (Flatiron)
Event: Rare Digital Art Festival
Food: Bagel

I honestly left this event thinking I needed to invest a bunch of money in CryptoPunks and CryptoKitties. Thankfully I came down from the propaganda high before I liquidated my 401K. But there's apparently a lot of people that will spend real money to buy a digital picture that everyone can see but only one person can "own". My grip on reality is slipping.

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Week 88: Pizza & PBR

Tuesday, November 28, 2017
Location: Burton Snowboards (SoHo)
Event: Dollar Pizza Slice NYC Holiday Shopping Night
Food: Pizza

If I had to imagine a snowboarder's diet it would probably be dollar pizza and PBR. That was exactly what Burton Snowboard store was serving up for their holiday shopping event. All the people there seemed very nice and coordinated, two qualities I do not possess, but appreciate in others.

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1 meal in December // $5 donated to Food Bank For New York City

Week 87: Assets & Alcohol

Tuesday, November 28, 2017
Location: WeWork (Chelsea)
Event: Data-Driven: Marketing & The Holidays
Food: Cookies, cheese, and fruit

This event was all about using data for holiday marketing. While listening to a panel of marketers sounds like roughly the least enjoyable thing ever, they were mostly tolerable except for one guy that repeatedly referred to one of his colleagues as "The Asset". Thankfully, the booze was free flowing which is about the only way you can have a good time at a WeWork.

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3 meals in November // $15 donated to Food Bank For New York City

Week 86: Boys & Poors

Saturday, November 25, 2017
Location: The Wing (SoHo)
Event: The Wing & American Express Present the First-Ever Ma & Pop-Up
Food: Hot chocolate

Visiting The Wing makes you wonder whether in 2017 it's more embarrassing to be best friends with Lena Dunham or Terry Richardson's ex. It usually costs something like $3,000 a year just to get in the front door of this female only club, but both boys and poors were allowed entrance for their holiday shopping event. Yes, the phone booths were cute, but not three thousand dollar cute.

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Week 85: Love Stories & Lip Balms

Saturday, November 11, 2017
Location: Zola RV (Flatiron)
Event: The Love Stories Tour
Food: Cupcake

The wedding registry site Zola decided to rent an RV to drive around collecting love stories. Given my heart of coal this was completely uninteresting and I went straight for the undersized cupcakes that are apparently still trendy. They also gave out those spherical lip balms that are impossible to put in your pocket.

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