Week 52: Apps & Shacks

Saturday, February 4, 2017
Location: Shake Shack (Midtown West)
Event: Launch of Shake Shack App
Food: ShackBurger

Though more expensive and less delicious than In-N-Out, Shake Shack is about as good as it gets for fast food burgers in NYC. And now with a new app that lets you order ahead, gone are the days of paying me to wait in line for you at Madison Square Park. Better yet, the first ShackBurger you order through the app is free—a very convincing argument to get vegetarian friends to abandon their values.

9 meals in January // $35 donated to Food Bank For New York City // $20 donated to LA Food Bank

Week 51: Smart Cities & Smart Ladies

Tuesday, January 24, 2017
Location: Grand Central Tech (Midtown)
Event: Smart Cities NYC '17 January Town Hall
Food: Fruit and cheese

I love going into buildings with lots of security and turnstiles because I need constant affirmation that my fashion choices don't make me look homeless. I successfully made it into this office near Grand Central for an event called Smart Cities which is just vague enough to mean absolutely nothing. After spending 40 minutes there I was no closer to answer, but I ate a lot of kiwi.

This week we welcomed our first guest roach, Lauren. She's best known for ruling over a school uniform empire, but is also referred to affectionately as a dog mom, a conquistadora, and a cry baby. She lives in LA and spends her days searching for a pet turtle that went missing 5 years ago. She eats free to support LA Food Bank.

 

Thursday, January 26, 2017
Location: Stride - A Running Studio (Pasadena, CA)
Event: Grand Opening
Food: Vegetables, meatball, cake pop

I am so obsessed with this studio that I will do anything involved with it, including attending it's grand opening by myself! When I think about it, I don't think I've really attended anything solo or without knowing someone. It really pushed me out of my comfort zone to be honest. The three women who own this business remembered my name from the classes, so that was kind of awesome!

—Lauren

Friday, January 27, 2017
Location: Regal Cinema LA Live (Downtown LA, CA)
Event: Women in Sports Business Panel
Food: Croissant, blueberry muffin, fruit, yogurt

Well ..... I am not a woman in sports. So the networking was a little weird, but one of the women I met worked for the Ducks and answered all my questions regarding ice. (I am SUPER awkward!)  I really enjoyed seeing Phoebe Halliwell (aka Alyssa Milano ... are you a Charmed Fan?) and Angela Ruggiero, 4 time hockey Olympian. My takeaway: Work Hard, Be Fearless!

—Lauren

Week 50: Bitcoins & Breakfast

Tuesday, January 17, 2017
Location: Spitzberg Partners (SoHo)
Event: How Creating Great User Experiences Can Drive Blockchain Adoption
Food: Salami, bread, cheese, Cornichon pickle

I can definitively say that even after spending 2 hours at this event I still have no idea what it was about. I think it vaguely involved Bitcoin, a currency which I feel slimy even giving the respect of a capital letter to. The good news is they served Cornichon pickles and Italian meats which is basically what I would choose for my last meal.

Thursday, January 19, 2017
Location: Creamline (Chelsea)
Event: Grand Opening
Food: Deep fried Oreo

Sometimes when you're an adult you can choose to start the day by eating a deep fried Oreo. Fast casual spot Creamline was giving them away for free to celebrate the opening of their new location and to help me expand my preconceived notions of what breakfast should be. I ate my Oreo and then ordered some oatmeal just in case people thought I was a maniac.

Week 49: Savory Scones & Octogenarian Outings

Monday, January 9, 2017
Location: Grey Art Gallery (Greenwich Village)
Event: Inventing Downtown: Artist-Run Galleries in New York City
Food: Pretzels

It never ceases to amaze me that the octogenarians of the city are able to make it out to cultural events in droves. The opening at NYU's Grey Art Gallery was no exception. The place was fully packed so it was hard to see the art, but I did get an intimate sampling of what kind of perfume everyone was wearing. I also got to witness a heated argument between two attendees about not using your hands to grab pretzels from the bowl.

Wednesday, January 11, 2017
Location: Jing Fong (Chinatown)
Event: Complimentary Peking Duck Night
Food: Peking duck

In order to make up for all the time I've had to wait in line for dim sum at Jing Fong, I took advantage of my third complimentary Peking duck as a loyal e-mail list subscriber. They always put a placard with my name on the table which makes my ego soar with joy. And to top it all off, somehow the five us were able to finish an entire birthday cake. Live your joy.

Saturday, January 14, 2017
Location: ThoughtWorks (Chelsea)
Event: Action Item Fair
Food: Spinach scone

Little known fact: I'm very into savory scones. Action Item Fair started the day off right with breakfast before hosting a series of talks and workshops on how to take a more active role in politics and the causes we care about. I got to learn from activist Zakiyah Ansari about how to set up effective meetings with elected officials. She not only had an inspiring story but also a dope sense of style.

Week 48: Dark Laughter & Light Shame

Thursday, January 5, 2017
Location: The Gaf West (Hell's Kitchen)
Event: Bomb Shelter Comedy Show
Food: Pizza

The Gaf West hosted a night of amateur comedy in their windowless basement, aptly titled the Bomb Shelter Comedy Show. It was very dark down there which made it even more mortifying when my flash went off while trying to take a cute picture of my free pizza during one of the comedian's sets. Luckily everyone was too distracted trying to decide whether to laugh at the possibly funny jokes.

2016 In Review

In 2016, I decided to commit myself to something I've been unofficially practicing for years: eating free food. I'm not only cheap but also have incredibly low standards for what I'll put in my body so it seemed like the perfect New Year's resolution. 

I scoured the Internet, joined mailing lists, and bothered friends to find all the events so unloved they had to bribe attendees with free food. There were hackathons, comedy shows, movie screenings, and one very awkward award ceremony that I accidentally crashed. And for every fellow New Yorker that offered me free food, I donated $5 to Food Bank for New York City.

Throughout the year I attended 91 different events. It was an honor to get a brief glimpse into some of the many communities that call New York City home—from the francophiles of the Alliance Française to the amateur comedians at Bunga's Den to the camera whizzes at AbelCine.  I was humbled by the inclusiveness I felt by each of them even as a self-proclaimed pest and outsider.

New York, thank you for putting up with this roach. See you in 2017.

  • 91 events attended
  • $455 (2,275 meals) donated to Food Bank for New York City
  • 15 slices of pizza
  • 11 cheese plates
  • 1 Peking duck

See the map below for all the places I visited in 2016.

Week 47: Awkward Chats & Ugly Sweaters

Monday, December 19, 2016
Location: Betaworks (Meatpacking)
Event: New York Data Science Ugly Sweater Mixer
Food: Vegetables, cheese, grapes

Perhaps you've heard of the New York Data Science Ugly Sweater Mixer. Just kidding, no one has. It was a nice mix of socially awkward people and people clearly there just for free food so I fit in on both accounts.

6 meals in December // $30 donated to Food Bank For New York City

Week 46: Fancy Ice Cream & Famous Pudding

Wednesday, December 14, 2016
Location: Gansevoort Market (Meatpacking)
Event: Grand Opening
Food: Big Gay Ice Cream

Gansevoort Market is one of those bougey indoor food halls that seems to serve exclusively poke bowls and arepas. To celebrate their new location, they were giving out free samples from vendors. While I'm normally more of an Ample Hills girl, I couldn't resist the shimmer of the Big Gay Ice Cream stand. I indulged in a little chocolate and vanilla swirl soft serve which went surprisingly well with the cold weather.

Sunday, December 18, 2016
Location: Sonos Store (SoHo)
Event: Smorgasburg x Sonos Holiday Pop-Up
Food: Banana pudding

Magnolia Bakery taught us all to love banana pudding, but their $5 per spoonful price makes it a rare treat for me. Baonanas is a newer player on the scene that partnered with the Sonos store in SoHo to give their goods away for free. As is well documented, I'm very embarrassed about taking pictures of food in front of other people, so I went and sat on a stoop outside in 35 degree weather to photograph and eat my free pudding. Jude Law happened to walk by a few seconds later so my antisocial behavior paid off.

Week 45: Comedic Crepes & Fake Felicity

Wednesday, December 7, 2016
Location: Black Cat Cafe (LES)
Event: Hack City Comedy Show
Food: Crepes

Continuing my self-destructive behavior of going to free amateur comedy shows, I attended the Hack City Comedy Show. While it can be uncomfortable for the unseasoned comics to bomb jokes, I was even more uncomfortable, with the threat of audience participation keeping my anxiety at a constant high. Thankfully there were free crepes to distract me and a bathroom to hide in.

Thursday, December 8, 2016
Location: Dean & Deluca (SoHo)
Event: Holiday Entertaining Tasting
Food: Pâté on toast, panna cotta, fancy vegetable

Ever since I moved to New York 3 years ago I assumed my life would be a lot like the classic WB drama Felicity. While that's been largely inaccurate, I do occasionally live beyond my means and shop at Dean & Deluca, the scene of many of Felicity's defining moments in love and life. They hosted a Holiday Entertaining Tasting to give hostesses like myself ideas on what to serve to my not imaginary guests.

Sunday, December 11, 2016
Location: WeWork (Chelsea)
Event: Holiday Happening
Food: Insomnia cookie

I have strong negative feelings towards WeWork for mostly unsubstantiated reasons. It may just be that everyone I've met that works from there is insufferable. They hosted a holiday shop showcasing products from a variety of "totally viable businesses" that have offices at WeWork. Cater2.me served samosas and there were Insomnia cookies so I could forgive the terrible company.

Week 44: Water Bikes & Virtual Likes

Tuesday, November 29, 2016
Location: AQUA Studio NY (TriBeCa)
Event: Zenberry Cares
Food: Various crostini

Just when I thought paying $35 for the privilege of riding on a stationary bike for 45 mins was the most ridiculous thing New York had to offer I found out about Aqua Cycle. Aqua Cycle is like spinning except the bikes are at the bottom of a pool to add that extra element of MAYBE DROWNING. They also sometimes host charity events which is how I ended up there. Zenberry (a protein powder) celebrated Giving Tuesday by donating a portion of sales to charity in a friendly environment with kombucha and crostini.

Wednesday, November 30, 2016
Location: AbelCine (West Village)
Event: Creating in VR
Food: Falafel, bread, cheese, and strawberries

Virtual reality is really exciting to antisocial people like me. Camera equipment store AbelCine let me try some VR headsets and get a peek at my future solitary life. I strapped on a Samsung device which brought me to the Chicago Cubs victory parade and took me skydiving. I also got to engage in my favorite non-virtual pastime of eating blocks of cheese.

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7 meals in November // $35 donated to Food Bank For New York City

Week 43: Skinny Sisters & Crooked Brothers

Monday, November 14, 2016
Location: Rent the Runway (Flatiron)
Event: Holiday Pregame
Food: Mint chocolate cupcake

Fashion events are uncomfortable for me because it's very obvious I haven't updated my wardrobe since my mom took me to Kohl's last Christmas. They also have a tendency to serve comically small versions of food—like cupcakes you can swallow like a multivitamin. Most ladies stuck to champagne at this Rent the Runway event which made everyone more chatty and less confused about having to pay $100 to borrow a dress for a day.

Thursday, November 17, 2016
Location: ABC Carpet & Home (Union Square)
Event: abcmkt night
Food: Mast Brothers chocolate

Bougey home goods store ABC Carpet & Home hosted a tasting in their downstairs market, serving up a plethora of small bites. I got to try Mast Brothers chocolate which I would never pay for, but is one of my favorite downfalls in the seedy world of artisinal chocolate. They built their company on the promise of candy made straight from cocoa beans, but it turns out they were just melting down Hershey's bars. Intrigue!

Week 42: Stress Eating & Shit Talking

Monday, November 7, 2016
Location: Housing Works Bookstore (SoHo)
Event: The Common Issue 12 Launch Party
Food: Crackers, cheese, and grapes

Housing Works Bookstore celebrated the latest issue of The Common, a literary journal featuring content with a strong sense of place (says their website). Contributors read excerpts from the issue while the audience basked in the final moments of a world before president-elect Trump. I stayed the requisite amount of time needed for it to not be awkward that I ate so many of their crackers.

Wednesday, November 9, 2016
Location: Hank's Saloon (Downtown Brooklyn)
Event: Devour Hour Comedy
Food: Cherry pie

Hank's Saloon helped to cure the post-election blues with some free pie and not terrible amateur comedy.  It's one of those places that has zero natural light and doesn't put a full effort into washing its glasses. After spending the day texting a lot of poo emojis and intermittently crying on the subway, it was nice to be in a place as divey as my heart felt.

Week 41: Mimolette & Ice Set

Monday, October 31, 2016
Location: French Cheese Board (SoHo)
Event: Halloween Tasting
Food: Mimolette cheese

In spite of my aforementioned bad blood with the French, I had a fairly lovely time eating more of their cheese. The star of the Halloween tasting was Mimolette, which is a hard cheese the exact color of a pumpkin. I somehow got suckered into buying a large block of this cheese which is now the star of my fridge as the only non-condiment in there.

Tuesday, November 1, 2016
Location: Bryant Park (Midtown)
Event: Winter Village Grand Opening
Food: Waffle with Nutella

Even though the date was November 1st and the temperature was 63, Bryant Park decided it was time to commence ice skating season. Former Olympian and current nothing Johnny Weir kicked off the celebration with an ice dance and then the main event started—free samples from vendors. In uncharacteristic fashion I didn't want to be too greedy so I just got a waffle and enjoyed my favorite pastime of watching people try to ice skate for the first time.

7 meals in October // $35 donated to Food Bank For New York City

Week 40: Tiny Foods & Tall Girls

Friday, October 28, 2016
Location: Astor Place
Event: Zagat Tiny Cafe
Food: Emily pizza

I guess there are some people that spend time making tiny food with tiny ovens and tiny spatulas. While my diet techniques are not as sophisticated, they're a bit less ridiculous. Zagat decided to lean into this tiny trend by having a pop-up shop serving mini versions of some NYC favorites. I got to try a very small version of Emily's Luca Pizza, which in this form tasted like a church wafer. On the plus side, all this tiny food made me feel tall which is a rare treat.

Week 39: Meats & Feats

Saturday, October 22, 2016
Location: Madison Square Park (Flatiron)
Event: Guinness World Records attempt for tallest sandwich
Food: Salami sandwich

I ate a sandwich every day for the first 18 years of my life and I consider it a tragedy that I've missed a few days since then. When I heard a local deli was vying for the Guinness World Record for tallest sandwich it felt like the bat mitzvah I never had come to life. Better yet—the thing they chose to sandwich was salami, which is perhaps the king of deli meats. The record setting sandwich they made was actually a lot smaller than what I imagined so I think I have a shot at dethroning them next year.

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Week 38: Cheese & Freeze

Tuesday, October 11, 2016
Location: Bunga's Den (Chelsea)
Event: Amazingtown Comedy Show
Food: Pizza

They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result. This perfectly describes my second visit to Amazingtown comedy show which for some reason I expected to be any less awkward than the first time. The only comedian I found funny was the guy I had seen last time I went and that may just be the Stockholm Syndrome talking. They frequently referred to pizza as the headliner act so at least they had a sense of humor about it.

Friday, October 14, 2016
Location: La Newyorkina (Greenwich Village)
Event: Grand Opening
Food: Strawberries and cream paleta

While not quite as good as burritos and nachos, Mexican desserts are still pretty tasty. La Newyorkina served up free paletas for the grand opening of their new store. My first choice mango was all gone so I went for strawberries and cream. It happened to be an unseasonably warm day so my eating a popsicle was basically inevitable.

Week 37: Meatpacking & Monocles

Thursday, October 6, 2016
Location: Warby Parker (Meatpacking)
Event: Warby Parker + Darcel Launch
Food: Sugar cookie

Warby Parker held a launch party for their partnership with Darcel, which from what I can tell is literally just a drawing of a bug wearing a monocle. Good for him, but I'm a real human being who wears all different kinds of things and I can't get any partnerships. Despite the absurdity of the premise, the event was great because I got a cute cookie and I didn't have to talk to anyone.

Week 36: Pasta Problems & A Tree Grows in Brooklyn

Wednesday, September 28, 2016
Location: Brooklyn Public Library (Prospect Heights)
Event: History of Pasta Making in Brooklyn
Food: Cheese, grapes, and crackers

Brooklyn Library hosted a lecture on the history of pasta making in Brooklyn. While this sounds awesome because the title includes one of my main food groups, it ended up being more like watching a distant cousin go through a slideshow of his vacation to Orlando. The who's who of obscure pasta manufacturing machinery were in attendance and were exactly as interesting as they seem. I may just be bitter because they didn't serve pasta. Missed opportunity.

Saturday, October 1, 2016
Location: MetroTech Commons (Downtown Brooklyn)
Event: Spencer Finch: Lost Man Creek Opening Reception
Food: Grilled cheese, chicken wing, prosciutto & melon

When I want to be the worst dressed and most socially awkward person in a room I go to an art opening. This one was for Spencer Finch's latest piece at MetroTech Commons. He produced a to scale replica of a section of the redwood forest. Because why not. The drinks were very free flowing which made me only a little less awkward.

6 meals in September // $30 donated to Food Bank For New York City

Week 35: Fashion Foes & Faux Pas

Tuesday, September 20, 2016
Location: Liebeskind Berlin Store
Event: Fall/Winter Launch Party
Food: Small cupcake

So my worst nightmare happened: someone called me out for being that socially unaware person who takes pictures of their food. Taking pictures is my least favorite part of my free food life because I feared this day would come (and because I've gotten consistently negative feedback about the quality of my photos). Other than that trauma it was a pretty dull event filled with German accessories and people not interested in eating full sized cupcakes.

Week 34: French Cheese & American Democracy

Tuesday, September 13, 2016
Location: French Institute Alliance Française
Event: Open House
Food: Bread and cheese

This event confirmed that French people do not understand or like me. Perhaps it's my outward mocking of them or that time I said I hate Paris, but we're not homies. I do however fully support wine and bread and cheese, which in combination make me abandon all my values. I got into a small disagreement about how much cheese I wanted, which ended amicably with my promising I would never come back.

Saturday, September 17, 2016
Location: Ninth Ave. Street Fair (Hell's Kitchen)
Event: Ben & Jerry's Pledge to Vote
Food: Berry Berry Extraordinary Sorbet

I was just walking down 9th Ave when I noticed a crowd gathering—which usually means a biker got hit by a car or free food. Luckily for all of us it was the latter. Ben & Jerry's was giving away free ice cream in exchange for pledging to vote in the upcoming presidential election. While Ben and Jerry won't get the chance to vote for their Vermont homeboy Bernie they were doing their part to support democracy and dessert.